Recently I got a request from a follower to go deeper into what it means to consent with your partner after having been with them for soooo long. How do you ask for what you want? And how do you even know what you want from them, intimately and sexually?
We’ll be exploring the secrets to sexual freedom, consenting partnerships, and longevity at the Awakening Aphrodite Retreat at the end of April!
For now though, let’s begin at the beginning, which begins with you!
First and foremost you have to know what kind of touch turns you on, what kind of foreplay you like, and how much time and space you need to get your “pot boiling.” In general a man’s “pot” will boil much quicker than a woman’s, due to the neurochemicals in his brain. Women generally need more time, more foreplay, and more connection to boil than a man. Of course there is always the exceptional man who needs more connection and build-up than his female partner, and in same-sex relationships one partner will likely need more time to their reach boiling point than the other. It’s not so much about your gender, but rather about what you uniquely need.
So, what’s the most erogenous zone in the body?
It is crucial that you know what your brain likes. What turns your brain on? Miss Jaiya is a sexologist who has come up with 5 types of sexual persons. She calls it a “sexual blueprint,” and it exemplifies your innate way of getting turned on, rather than scripting out a conditioned way of getting turned on. Here are the types…..
Sexual Blueprint Types:
Energetic: These people get turned on at the anticipation of contact; they love to inhale the breath of their lover right before the kiss. These peeps are looking for God in a sexual experience - for them it is a spiritual high. They often get their boil on with a lighter touch.
Sensual: These are the partners who love to light candles, and have essential oils burning with a little mood music in the background, they can respond to both lighter and firmer touch. As long as it feels good to that part of their body, they are yours!
Sexual: This type is really a lot more into the mechanics of sex, they like more extravagant positioning and a firm to rough touch. The language that turns them on, is the language you might hear in a porn video.
Kinky: Kinky is pretty self-explanatory, they are hot for more unconventional ways, like bondage, and pain for pleasure. Strong touch turns them on and role-playing with costumes could be a part of their sexual scene.
Shape-shifter: The shape shifter is the one who readily takes on any of the above types and gets turned on by it all! They can weave and dance between the types in a very natural way.
You likely will know what type you are simply by reading the description, but there is also a quiz by Miss Jaiya if you need further help figuring out your own and your partner’s type.
Not only do you need to know your type, but you need to be able to communicate in an effective way what your type is to your partner, because this will help them turn you on in a way that is absolutely consensual! Additionally you will want to know what their type is so that you can meet them as much as they bend to meet you. (No pun intended)
If you and your partner are the same type, you will likely have a great sexual ropier, but you might also get complacent and into a sexual rut, which is no fun for anyone. So once you are clear about what kind of pressure, touch, and stroke you are ignited by, you can share that with your partner, teach them and talk to them in a positive way to let them know they are doing you right!
THEN, go outside of your comfort zone and try on some touch that is not as familiar to you, start to stretch your type out, and see what the other blueprints have in store for you.
Consenting couples are on the same page because they are in a constant conversation about what is working, what is feeling good, and what is not. Remember that it is always sweet to ask permission from your lovers lips, even when it may seem obvious that they are ready for more — get the verbal cue and then move forward. This creates so much trust and there is NOTHING sexier than trust!
According to Taoist philosophy, sexuality is just like eating, sleeping, and exercising. It is imperative to your health and vitality. They don’t take the view that sex is either sacred or profane, they simply see it as a necessary part of life.
AND IT IS!
Find out what tunes you in and turns you on and take the time to practice what you discover with your lover. Couples can easily go 40 years together and really have no idea what turns the other one on, mostly because they don’t know for their own selves! So be responsible for your own knowing, and then set up a time, a ”session,” to share that knowledge with him or her.
You got this! And I’m always here if you have questions, do not hesitate to reach out!
Blessings and Light!