Recently I was talking with one of my guy friends, who’s single and in the dating world. He was telling to me how hard it is for men right now to know how to even approach a women without crossing the invisible lines of, “how dare you violate my space” and “who do you think you are!” He said, “It’s becoming increasingly difficult to read if a woman is interested, indifferent or playing hard to get, and acting coy, which is a subtle invitation to talk to her.”
“I can only imagine!” I said. I was so happy to talk with him about this because I have been acutely aware for many years that this is as difficult a world for men as it is for women, just in different ways. Men are expected to have all their sh*^ together in order to even be considered a catch, which means financially stable, strong and physically capable, intelligent and at the same time sensitive to a woman’s needs. They should have plenty of time and space to cater to her erratic emotions and understand what she is going through without fail! That is a tall order on anyone, male, female or transgender!
Walt Disney did us no favors when he portrayed the ideal love affair between man and woman, such that all they had to do was gaze into one another’s eyes and they were immediately deeply connected. The enigma, that from that point on they knew each others every want and desire and could meet those desires effortlessly while singing a catchy song, was a well done set of smoke and mirrors that left us real-life people wondering where we were going wrong.
The reality is that this is a challenging world for both sexes and strong healthy relationships require two souls who are willing to give and take in honor of their partner, because they love them! At times the line is thin between giving up your needs and desires for your partners, such that you will not harbor resentment. Resentment is an indicator that you are giving up too much of yourself! In a healthy relationship between two people of any sex you should be able to meet each other’s needs and desires through clear communication. You should be happy to meet your partner’s needs and vise versa! The relationships that live long and prosper are the ones where both parties feel like they are getting the better end of the stick!
Alison Armstrong says, “Most of us women, expect men to behave like women, and when they don’t we are disappointed!” Meaning they should be everything a man is on the outside, and they should be able to read our emotions and be sensitive to our FEELINGS as well! This is simply too much pressure on men, who actually don’t have the same sensitive bio-chemicals and brain functionality that women have. (Read “The Female Brain” and “The Male Brain”) In addition to the fact that male and female biology is sooo different, no body ever teaches us how to interact with each other, we are left to trial and error and making our own mistakes! I feel men especially are getting the short end of the stick when it comes to role models in the world.
Men are getting slammed right now, but how are they supposed to know how to act/court/ interact?
How does a man not violate a woman in the process of initiating intimacy?
What is an honorable courtship these days?
I believe we need to include men in the uprising of the feminine movement we are currently scratching the surface of. That means opening up to have vulnerable conversations with them. Sharing all your thoughts and feelings and helping them to understand, know that they are capable of understanding. A man really wants to provide what his partner wants, it’s innate within him to provide and protect, but when he is not sure what to provide he is left guessing and often failing. It is also innate in him to hunt, so if you as a woman are feeling unsafe in his approach, just let him know! Use your words; 9 times out of 10 he will adjust his courtship to meet your comfort levels.
When my friend told me he never wanted to go on a date ever again, after reading all the “me too,” posts on face book, I felt so sad! Here is this wonderful man, who loves and cares so deeply and only wants to share his passions with another, yet he is too afraid to cross a woman’s boundaries, for fear that he might be accused of harassment!
There is this big acknowledgement of the pain and harassment women have suffered, but how do we move forward in a way that is sustainable? So that we don’t keep ping ponging back and forth between woman power and man power? We need both! In fact the energy of masculine and feminine are in each individual person and you cannot exist without both. When these dueling energies are in balance within you, your vitality will skyrocket and your body will feel strong yet supple, your mind will feel sharp yet relenting, your spirit will feel free and content!
What can you do to create fertile soil for the success of the men in your life? This question is for my male readers as well! How can you create more balance and more harmony in your interactions with others?
Use your inner wisdom to appeal to their dominant energy (masculine/feminine) and see what happens. Honor the men in your life and acknowledge the women in your life! Give more love and receive more love!
You are a powerful player in this universe and the universe has got your back, so let go of any fear or doubt that is holding you back from shining bright! Humanity needs your light right now!